Imagination
So where did it all go?
Oh come on, don't give me that look. You know what I'm talking about. That inspiration. That never ending imagination we had when we were children. We've grown now, our bodies are fully functional, our minds are completely developed - yet I find myself missing that one part that made me the most wonderful ME I could be... the part of me I never realized, always took for granted and now wish I had the most.
I miss the ability to be able to fantasize about things other than sex. I miss the days where I could stay up for days on end, go crazy, shiver at the thought of doing something wrong and perhaps getting caught - then coming up with the most hair brained excuses I could think of, then revel in the thought that it actually got me out of trouble (Or at least I thought - but the thought was enough)
I loathe the fact I can't name anything anymore, but I had a million and one action figures with individual names, persona's, talents and even special abilities (Oh Jo Jo the Wrestler... how I miss ye!). I'm saddened by the fact I used to be able to completely act out a unique 'music video' for Meatloaf "Bat out of Hell" but now I'm lucky if I can imagine what the hell meat loaf is made out of ...
maybe Bats? Wouldn't that be BatLoaf? Meh...
Why am I thinking about all this, you ask? Very good question, person I don't know. And although I don't know you at all, I'll give you an answer.
I want it back. I want the creativity. I want the imagination. The 'first experiences' , the cute 'first crush', the first school bus ride, the crazy days, wild nights, never ending imagination that is childhood - but it can not be mine.
But it can be my childs.
I'm ready for children, no matter what world I bring them into. I'm not too terribly excited about raising a generation in a world that is so corrupt and desolate that with one wrong decision it could very well eat you alive - but I can't let go of the idea of creating memories with my own flesh and blood. I can't stop thinking about sharing those 'firsts' with them.
I want to see my child open their eyes for the first time. Smile for the first time. Laugh when I make funny noises. Give them their first baths, buy them clothes, watch their teeth grow in, walk them out to the school bus for the first time - only to follow the bus the whole way to school to make sure nothing happens to them. I want to hear about their first 'friend' they like more than a friend. The first time they have a bad day at school and I can take them out for ice cream to make them feel better. There's so much I want to do with a person who doesn't even exist yet - except only in my mind.
I'm here, my child. I'm waiting for you. I will do my best to provide for you, protect you and let you experience life for what it is - even if I have to give up everything in my own to do so. I know I'll meet you one day, I can only hope you love me as much as I will you.
Oh come on, don't give me that look. You know what I'm talking about. That inspiration. That never ending imagination we had when we were children. We've grown now, our bodies are fully functional, our minds are completely developed - yet I find myself missing that one part that made me the most wonderful ME I could be... the part of me I never realized, always took for granted and now wish I had the most.
I miss the ability to be able to fantasize about things other than sex. I miss the days where I could stay up for days on end, go crazy, shiver at the thought of doing something wrong and perhaps getting caught - then coming up with the most hair brained excuses I could think of, then revel in the thought that it actually got me out of trouble (Or at least I thought - but the thought was enough)
I loathe the fact I can't name anything anymore, but I had a million and one action figures with individual names, persona's, talents and even special abilities (Oh Jo Jo the Wrestler... how I miss ye!). I'm saddened by the fact I used to be able to completely act out a unique 'music video' for Meatloaf "Bat out of Hell" but now I'm lucky if I can imagine what the hell meat loaf is made out of ...
maybe Bats? Wouldn't that be BatLoaf? Meh...
Why am I thinking about all this, you ask? Very good question, person I don't know. And although I don't know you at all, I'll give you an answer.
I want it back. I want the creativity. I want the imagination. The 'first experiences' , the cute 'first crush', the first school bus ride, the crazy days, wild nights, never ending imagination that is childhood - but it can not be mine.
But it can be my childs.
I'm ready for children, no matter what world I bring them into. I'm not too terribly excited about raising a generation in a world that is so corrupt and desolate that with one wrong decision it could very well eat you alive - but I can't let go of the idea of creating memories with my own flesh and blood. I can't stop thinking about sharing those 'firsts' with them.
I want to see my child open their eyes for the first time. Smile for the first time. Laugh when I make funny noises. Give them their first baths, buy them clothes, watch their teeth grow in, walk them out to the school bus for the first time - only to follow the bus the whole way to school to make sure nothing happens to them. I want to hear about their first 'friend' they like more than a friend. The first time they have a bad day at school and I can take them out for ice cream to make them feel better. There's so much I want to do with a person who doesn't even exist yet - except only in my mind.
I'm here, my child. I'm waiting for you. I will do my best to provide for you, protect you and let you experience life for what it is - even if I have to give up everything in my own to do so. I know I'll meet you one day, I can only hope you love me as much as I will you.
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