Oh, and by the way...
A little backstory :
My uncle Mike lives in New York. Good man, great location and also an awesome uncle. Him and his wife invited me up to New York to get my life started, and I honestly have been wrestling with myself on the decision. They said they would be back some time in June to pick up a Truck from my Grandfathers house, who lives a stones throw away from my house on the same property. (Can you say 'southern' ?)
I'm 21 years old and I have grown up for the past 12 years in the place I am now. I have no job, I have no car, and only a learners permit that I'm on my second run around with. I know how to drive, I just don't know how to drive well. I want a job, I just have no way of getting there. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place knowing that I'm only going to get out of someone reaches for the hand I have outstretched.
Everyone knew I was fighting with the idea of going. Being raised on a mountain has it's disadvantages. I would walk to a job, but it's either miles away or at the bottom of a mountain that I have to walk highway to get down, and then back up. I'd ask friends, but they have to drive far enough off the mountain every day to get to work they hardly have time to help as it is. My mother and step fater? They work for a state inn, and hardly have time.
So I work around the house to earn my keep. It's pretty crappy, but keeps me from being a true mooch. I even get a little money that I give to my friend Joey to pay the gas money for him to teach me how to drive. However, the lack of a true life has been astoundingly nerve wracking.
/end backstory
I went down to my grandfathers house today to grab the lawn mower. It's that time of season again, and my lawn isn't emo. (Read : it doesn't cut itself) I had been in bed all day with severe jaw pain because of one of my wisdom teeth brusing my gumline. At one point I heard the phone ring, and my grandfather even come to the door pounding to get my attention. I knew the lawn needed to be mowed yesterday... but I could hardly move without wanting to hurl, much less talk back to him as he badmouthed me.
I ask if it has enough gas, and get confirmed I'm ready to go a mowin... but as per usual I sit down for a bit and spend time with my grandma and grandpa. I hardly see them any other time. It's not that I don't have the time, it's just that my grandfather isn't that pleasent of a person, if you hadn't gathered that already. I sit and talk, and get the normal "you're not doing nothing with yourself" routine from him. I grit my teeth like always, pet the dog, ask grandma how she's doing, watch a little TV. The usual.
"Oh, by the way..."
The words ring in my ears. Every single time my grandfather has ever started a sentence with that phrase, it's been bad news. I roll my eyes out of sight and listen in :
"Where were you saturday?"
I'm confused, and tell him I was working around the house and getting ready to go to church the next day. He asked where I was friday, and told him around the house.. as usual. This kind of responce is no big suprise to anyone, considering I have no way to leave the house and I'm home alone all day long. I'm always -at the house- .
Turns out my Uncle Mike came in Friday, and from the way my grandfather talked candidly about it - it was no suprise. He was here all day friday, and left saturday morning.
My grandfather asked "I thought you were going to go up to New York with him, what happened to that?"
This is the point I leave. He can knock on my door and call me to get the lawn mowed, but he can't stick his leg out the door to help me further my own life, and he has the balls to give me the "You're going nowhere" speech just before he laid this bomb on me.
So, here I sit. I can't say if I would be up in New York right now or not. I didn't have time to finalize a decision. There are alot of variables I still haven't worked out and I assumed I'd still have about a week to do so, maybe even two. I wouldn't of minded making a rushed decision, but at least I would of been informed.
Oh, by the way...
I will never be able to hear that phrase again without feeling abandoned and laughed at. As if I'm nothing more than a human joke to that man. Me and him have had our differences, but I placed it on him being a grumpy old man and let it slide. "He's a good person" I'd always say..
What do I say now?
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this is actually a response to your last post. i don't really come around here much anymore, so it takes me awhile to take the tour and see what people are up to... being what seems like the only other semi-regular blogs4me christian dude, maybe its about time me and you touched base a bit....... now, forgive me first and foremost if i go into "superintelligent soap box christian blowhard" mode - i end up there so often. And it just proves the Bible when it says that knowledge puffs up but love builds up. Sometimes I'm so damn PUFFY with knowledge its ridiculous. I love and am confounded by the whole ten commandments idea. This, coming from a guy who's been in full time ministry for 4 years now - through discipleship programs, an internship leadership training program, a staff, and as a department head over and full-time responsible for 12 people (counseling, training, disciplining)... and I'm still confused.
In Mark, we clearly see Jesus talking about love and how love pretty much supercedes all the other commandments (theres something like 631 commandments in the Old Testament law) Mark 12:28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" 29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Again, in Matthew Jesus gives a new teaching that supercedes the law (here especially one of the 10 commandments) and , if anything, makes it MORE impossible to fulfill Matthew 5:27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. In fact, a lot of Matthew chapter 5 is devoted to FURTHERING the extent of the previous commandments. Jesus speaks, comparing hatred of one's brother to "thou shalt not murder," amongst other things. This is all directly after Jesus says this interesting bit: Matthew5:17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. It's wild stuff, and this is where i realize my inadequacy of teaching even after having been in the church for so long. Jesus talks about the fulfilment of the law, and then MAGNIFIES it to make it that much harder to fulfill. Impossible, even. But i guess it just goes to show how much more we need that GRACE and how far short we really fall of the perfect standard. Galations 3:22But the Scripture has shut up everyone under sin [[[because all men sin]]], so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe. 23But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed. 24Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith. 25But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. 26For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise. I dont know, man. It seems as though what God did was almost SET ASIDE the law of the jews and supercede it with the full extent of God's PERFECT standard. The replacement of physical adultery with spiritual adultery, the replacement of physical murder with a spiritual realm murder (anger/hate). There's now no jew or greek, etc - because with this outbranching/revelation of God's spiritual principles through the tutor of the old Law, the Law is no longer only applicable to the jews (a set of rules that applied to a race according to the flesh) but to all nations/sexes/classes according to the spirit? I dont know...but that sounds like a good theory to me. You'd think something so basic and foundational to the christian faith would be easier to understand. But the depths of it are astounding - just try and read Romans!!!!!!! All this to say that i could sit here and quote scripture all day long and basically just run myself in circles. And i dont have the patience for that. All this to say - this is the reason I dont like to teach. Most people dont have the attention span to read something like this all the way through anyway.
YET YET YET YET YET YET YET, and most importantly YET before we go around condemning ourselves for how far short we fall in keeping the Law - the word says this: Romans13:8Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. 9The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself."10Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law so what do i think? I think we should earnestly pray and strive for the attainment of more and more LOVE and by this seeking of the most important commandment and principle, everything else will naturally be covered. For it is also written somewhere in the Bible that "love covers a multitude of sin"
love love love love love is really what its all about. LOVE. isnt that interesting? all that for this: love. i write this under the assumption that maybe, just maybe, we should put love above all other things. including (especially?) attempting to fulfill the law like the 10 commandments. what do you think? keep in mind im not trying to be a knowitall, for i surely dont know it all. in fact, im learning all this stuff for myself ........
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Hey. I hope that you ignore your grandfather, it's not right that he keeps lecturing you on what your doing and not doing with your life. It's not his concern. Do what you think you'd want to do rather than what everyone tells you to do. I am confident that you will make it alright. Where in NY is your uncle talking about? *hugs* << looked like you could use one.
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