I ain't askurred!

True stories, I will swear upon all that is holy!

Kid was sitting on the bus. He had to be maybe 12 or 13 years old. This is what he had to say to his friends :

You know, I was over at Mc. Donalds the other day... you know, with my car and stuff, because I can drive you know. Yeah, I can. I'm cool like that. Anyway, I was at Mc. Donalds and I saw these mexicans. And you know them, They were speaking that... that mexican talk they speak. So I stood there for a second, next to my car and all, and I was thinking about picking a fight with one of em. I wasn't askurred. I ain't askurred of nothin.

Heck, I wouldn't be askurred even of a mountain lion. I'd grapple it, break it's arms and take it down. I'd take on a bear too. I'd slap it across the face, and say I took it's mom out in my car, because I have a car you know, and it'd run away crying. I wouldn't be askurred at all. Except by a wolf, I'd be askurred of them. They'll come atcha, and they've got those teeth you know. They're mean, them wolves.

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A kid walks into school, he had a black eye. He was embarassed about how it happened, but before he could figure out a different explination someone asked him how he got it. This is what he said :

Oh! This? This is what I get for being a nice guy, that's what this is! Well, I was riding down the street in my car, and all of the sudden I see this Grizzley Bear! And it was about to attack this poor defenseless bunny rabbit! Well, I couldn't have this happening!

I got out of my car and started yelling at that mean ol' grizzley bear! I told him he was a mean ol' grizzley bear and kicked him in the butt. He ran home crying, like the bully he was. I bent down to check on the bunny rabbit... and he socked me in the eye! I was so furious!

The bunny rabbit was scared then, he knew I was mad. He hopped away real quick like, and got onto his little bunny moped. I don't know why he had a moped, maybe it was a gift or something? Anyway I jumped into the little side carrage of the moped, and started harassing that bunny rabbit because he punched me in the eye... as you can plainly see.

I took out my knife, and cut that rabbits foot off! I laughed at him so hard, and shook it in his face saying "Not so lucky now, is it?!?!" and then threw it in his face. The bunny fell off the moped, and then I crashed into a tree. I'm lucky I only got the black eye, I tell ya.

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I hope you have enjoyed these stories. They're two of my favorites. These were actually told at my school about 3 years ago. They were both heard from my brother, first by a kid on the bus and second by a friend both me and him still talk to. It's a tribute to both the stupidity and imagination of youth. Long live viable minds. :)